Hazel and Gordy
Perhaps my story starts in 1905, ten years before Dad was born, when my grandmother, Hazel Chaffee Pogue, at age 31, experienced a life-changing event. With a different outcome, that event would have prevented my father's and my own existence.
Here, in words that I imagine my grandmother might have used, is the story I call...
Darkling River
I lived in solid
obedience to God's will until an onrushing stream of events washed away the
roots of my faith.
In my reckoning, Jasper's
journey to Bermuda provided the wellspring for what followed. He went as a
missionary for our church, but he came back home to Minnesota in less than a
year with a wife from the islands.
Everyone whispered behind
his back. When I first laid eyes on Flossie, I understood. A halo of magic
surrounded Flossie. Her brown skin glowed with it. Her dark eyes sparkled with
it. Her bright teeth glinted with it in her ever-present smile. Flossie bubbled
with joy. She sang songs that weren't hymns. She had music inside her and she
danced to it as she swept the floor or hung her washing on the line. Flossie
was unseemly, dangerous, irresistible -- and Flossie was my sister-in-law.
Jasper brought Flossie
home in 1895, the same year I married his younger brother Elmer. I witnessed
the birth of Flossie's first child, fetching towels and water for our
sister-in-law Ella who so capably took charge. When my angel, Francie, was born
on March 25, 1896, Flossie stayed by my side all through the long, painful
hours. Flossie's ministrations touched me in the most intimate places with
precious tenderness and reverence. She encouraged me to accept the functions of
my body during childbirth no matter how shocking or unpleasant. She showed me
how to embrace the slippery, blood-streaked infant and encourage her to suckle.
Flossie's sturdy Serena was nine
months of age the day my sweet baby Francie passed into the arms of Our Lord at
the tender age of seven weeks. It was Flossie who nursed me back to health and
gave me courage. Her gentle hands soothed my wretched headaches and her
sprightly cheer sparked hope in my ravaged heart.
Our husbands worked side by side in
the oat fields and the barnyards while Flossie and I kept house and gardened
and brought forth our children. Flossie's Jas Jr. arrived in September of '89
and my Velzora was born the following June, one year and one month after Francie
passed. I welcomed fair Dulcie the next year. Then Flossie and I both gave
birth to girls – her Susan and my Viola – in 1900. We attended each other's
lying-in and had no need of midwife or doctor. Flossie's buoyant outlook
carried me through the long hours of labor and my gratitude overflowed into
fervent adoration of her flawless, magical persona.
Flossie saved me again
when the Lord took my delicate Dulcie at age five. The typhoid fever struck my
darling girl and no amount of tender loving care could save her. Beloved
Flossie held me in her arms and sang her favorite lullaby to balm my wounded
soul.
Baby's boat's the silver moon,
Sailing in the sky,
Sailing o'er the sea of sleep,
While the clouds float
by.
Sail, baby, sail,
Out upon that sea,
Only don't forget to sail
Back again to me.
A year after we buried
Dulcie, the Lord blessed me with rosy Cora, my fourth-born daughter. Flossie's
laugh tinkled when I asked how could I be so full of babies.
Nine months later Flossie
celebrated her own blessed event when Reggie's first cries burst forth on a
blustery March morning like a cockerel's crow at daybreak. Flossie was as full
of babes as I was, but hers came out as easy as an egg from a hen and all lived
in robust health thereafter.
On the second day of
August 1905, Flossie aimed to join the Tichenor youngsters on a berry-picking
expedition and she swept me along. Young Everett Tichenor had a boat, she said,
to take us to the raspberry patch on the east bank of the Swan River, and he
would bring his younger sisters Goldie and Edith who were 20 and 17 years old.
It was a small boat, she told me, so we would leave our combined seven children
with our sister-in-law Ella for the day.
I never could say no to
Flossie, not in the ten years I knew her, no matter how fanciful her desire. So
I said yes, even though a familiar queasy feeling in my stomach told me that I
had another baby on the way and I might not be at my best for a frolicsome day
in the berry patch. I could have insisted that we stay home, but I knew that my
reluctance would be no match for Flossie's gay enthusiasm.
We set off from
Tichenor's place at eight o'clock in the morning. Everett and Edith took the
boat up the lagoon to its mouth where it emptied into the river. Flossie,
Goldie, and I walked through the fields so we could pick onions and radishes to
add to our lunch basket on our way to meet the others at the river.
Everett helped us into
the flat-bottomed boat and we wedged our baskets beneath the rough plank seats.
I tucked the hem of my shirtwaist behind my lower limbs but Flossie and the
younger girls let their skirts flutter in the breeze. Flossie threw her arms
wide and tilted her face toward the sun as she sang a bright tune in her
sparkling voice.
Row, row, row your boat
Gently down the stream.
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily,
Life is but a dream.
She taught us how to
start singing one after the other – she called it a "round." I prayed
for God's forgiveness of such worldly frivolity. All aglow, Flossie lifted my
hand in both of hers and brought it to her lips. I died inside at the rising
heat that filled my chest and blazed my cheeks. The others didn't see, but I
knew that God watched.
Everett called a halt to
the singing and pointed out that the boat had sprung a leak. He rowed toward
the nearest bank where we could land and tip the water out before it got deep
enough to wet our shoes. It didn't look like enough water to worry about, and I
trusted Everett's experience with boating. In a trice we gained the shore and
Everett planted one foot on the grassy bank.
Flossie, Goldie, Edith, and I,
eager to help Everett bail, all stood up at once, all on the same side of the
boat. I've asked myself a thousand times – why? Why didn't I step to the
opposite side?
The boat capsized, dumping us into
the swift waters of the chill river.
I floundered in the murky water,
flailing and kicking, dragged down by my sodden skirt. My hair tore loose from
its tidy bun and swirled across my eyes and cheeks. I spluttered to the surface
and saw the desperate tableau of Everett holding Goldie in one arm and Edith in
the other while pushing Flossie ahead of them in the direction of the
riverbank.
Not knowing how to swim, I bobbed
and sank like a fishing cork. I went under many times before I realized I could
use my hands like boat oars to push my head above water for a breath. But the
cruel current fought my efforts to stay afloat. Roiling water pushed me hither
and yon. My saturated shirtwaist pulled me down, down, down.
I felt the ooze of muck
under my hands and used all my power to crawl like an infant on the bottom
until I reached the shore. Pulling on fistfuls of long grass, I dragged myself
half out of the river and lay prostrate, lungs agonizing for breath, coughing
up dank water that tasted of organisms long dead.
When I turned toward the
river, there was Flossie! She floated serenely with her face barely visible
above the water. I called her name through my raw throat. I clutched the
nearest stick of useful length and thrust it out as a lifeline. Flossie stared
straight up at the clouds above as the flow carried her away. Flossie!
I summoned the strength
to stand upright. Dizziness almost brought me down. One step at a time I
stumbled downriver with hopes of catching up with Flossie and saving her from
drowning. The raspberry bushes stopped me. The branches and thorns ripped at my
clothes and tore jagged bloody stripes along my arms. Why, oh why couldn't I
forge on through the thicket and find my beloved?
I cried out once more for Flossie
and then turned 'round upriver to drag myself in the direction of Roshalts'
farm.
The Roshalts ran to greet
me as I staggered up the path. My story gushed out in ragged bursts.
Immediately Mr. Roshalt organized a search party and sent word to town where
Flossie's husband Jasper and my Elmer were working on repairs to Jasper's
wagon. When Mr. Roshalt left to carry the news to the Tichenor family, I
collapsed in the arms of Mrs. Roshalt.
My return from the depths
of the void repeated my journey from the bottom of the river. I thrashed and
moaned and reached for Flossie whose face shined above me more precious than
the sun. Consciousness struck like a slap to my face. Where was Flossie? My
darling Flossie who made every day worth living. Did she survive?
The searchers recovered
Flossie's body that same Tuesday evening along with Edith's a few minutes
later. On Saturday they found Everett floating in a tangle of driftwood. They
discovered Goldie's corpse on Sunday. All of them dead while I still breathed.
My mind curdled with visions of pale bloated bodies, sightless eyes, twisted
limbs.
I couldn't bear to go to the church
service or the burials. Jasper's grief fueled my own. I lay in my bed with
curtains closed, eyes closed, heart closed, unable to pray, isolated in sorrow
and guilt, estranged from my Lord God and Savior.
Elmer came to me, his
face lined with worry and exhaustion. "Think about the children," he
said. "Flossie and Jasper's as well as ours."
I reached out for God to
give me strength and purpose. I vowed to devote myself to the care of my
children and Flossie's children until they grew to adulthood. I pledged to
bring as many more children into the world as God saw fit to give me. And I
begged God's forgiveness for loving Flossie too much.
Seven months have passed
since the accident. The child within me kicks with vigor and never rests –
he'll be a boy, I'm sure. As first-born son, he'll get his father's name. I'm
afraid to birth him without Flossie by my side. I long for the pleasant rasping
of her calloused fingers that massaged the backpain of my laboring. I yearn for
the scent of Sen-Sen licorice on her breath as she whispered, "Push,
dear Hazel, push now." Dare I hope that God might bless me with an easy
time? I keep my Bible open to the Twenty-Third Psalm: "Yea, though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death…" in earnest hope of living in
His light again.
Flossie consumes my
thoughts and the pain of her loss hangs heavy on my shoulders like a leaden
shroud. When I'm alone I bring out the newspaper clippings from the day of the
accident. I keep the well-worn papers inside the back cover of my Bible where
they're easily at hand.
I weep when I read the verse at the
end of the article in the Grand Rapids Independent:
There is a river we all must cross
A river whose darkling storm
Within the depth of eternity
Buries its silver gleam.
With tearful eyes, we bid farewell
To those we knew of yore.
Waiting the hour when our hands
shall join
Upon times deathless
shore.
The darkling river calls
to me in Flossie's voice. Tomorrow I shall visit her shores to discover which
part of me is stronger – the torn heart that yearns to reunite with beloved
Flossie or the tortured soul that struggles to accept the healing power of
God's love. ###
This is gripping, Nancy. I look forward to the quel and the postquel as well.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Gene! The quel is my book Voluntary Nomads (the tab by that name has excerpts and the book is available at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and Smashwords). I'm also looking forward to seeing what the muse does with all of this!
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing. I never knew that about my ancestors. My father is Otto Earl Pogue Jr born to Otto Earl Pogue & Margaret Ryan Pogue. My Great Grandfather was Otto Elmer Pogue (who went by Elmer to the best of my knowledge).
ReplyDeleteDebbie, After the boating accident, Hazel had six more children: Otto, Bernice, Victor, Zelda, Vida, and Gordon. Even though Bernice and Vida were childless, there will still be an amazing number of descendents who would never have been born if Hazel hadn't used her arms "like boat oars" (her own words from a newspaper report) to get her head above water. By the way, your father (and his siblings) and I played together as children (we're first cousins).
ReplyDeleteYour grandmother surely guided your fingers as you wrote those words. Her voice rings strong and true through them. My throat totally clenched and my eyes grew damp as I read, even more knowing this is a true story. Beautiful! Keep it going!
ReplyDeleteSharon, Thanks for the encouragement. Having written the middle years of my life, I feel the urge to write the early years (prequel) and the later years (sequel). Some serious doubts arose when I considered writing in my grandmother's voice. Your comments help to quiet those nagging doubts.
ReplyDeleteYea! I'm so glad to see this story here. I love it so much, Nancy.
ReplyDeleteYour story still grips me each time I read it.
ReplyDeleteEllen and Ruth, I keep this story close to my heart. Knowing that you like it makes me happy.
ReplyDeleteThis is an incredible story, Nancy. Thank you for sharing it. I look forward to reading more of your work.
ReplyDeleteJerry
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